To School or Not to School?

I've been sitting on this post for almost two weeks now. I've had a lot going through my mind, but I haven't wanted to publish anything before I'd made a decision. I still don't know what I'm going to do in the long run, but I've made up my mind to at least take the first step.

A few weeks ago, Paul sent me a few links to articles he read about homeschooling and said, "maybe we should consider this." The articles were pretty interesting and got me thinking about homeschooling as a viable option for our kids. This is especially strange because for my entire life, I have had a fairly strong bias against it, though I won't go much into the reasons.

Paul has often commented how he wishes he didn't have to work so he could be our kids' full-time educator. He has done a fantastic job too with his spare time with them in the evenings. He's the one reading wonderful giant chapter books with each of them each night. He's the one who's taught them "mental math", and how to build cool robots. I have always loved him for this, but now I know who to blame for being at this crossroad. :)

We started hashing out the pros and cons. We debated every reason it might be a terrible idea, but finally came to the conclusion that while it might be hard initially, it could also be incredibly rewarding and hugely beneficial for our kids. Heck, we might even grow from it.

I was excited when preschool started. Even though it was only a few hours a day, it seemed like a good thing. I was anxious for Nora to make friends and for Peter to have some structure to his day. Peter has been having a lot of fun, but it started to feel like it was just expensive babysitting. With Nora, we were only a few days in before she was begging to stay home- apparently because some of the girls in her class were being mean to her. It felt unsettling to be pushing her away from home so early into such an uncomfortable environment. She's only three! I didn't feel that way with our last preschool at all- the earlier I could send them, the better!

I'm pretty sure our last preschool (Montessori) ruined me. Not only was it in the most loving, homelike environment, but it allowed them to progress at a rate they wanted, and gave them a lot of confidence in the process. Shifting to a regular preschool has been harder than I thought, which has made me wonder why I'm even doing it in the first place.

Peter is a good little reader; certainly well above where he needs to be as a kindergartener. His math skills are about par to the second grade worksheets Benjamin is bringing home. I of course knew there would be zero academic reinforcement once Peter started this new preschool, but now I'm realizing his progress will be halted for at least two years since kindergarten is really just a fancy term for the Great Leveler. Do I risk him getting bored? Should I just let it be and have him wait until his peers catch up? Is it his responsibility (as Benjamin's school likes to believe, and maybe I should too?) to help other kids around him who aren't quite at his level? Is that even reasonable to ask of a 5 year-old?

I am not super mom. I often look at each of my children's teachers in amazement, wondering how on earth they do what they do. I feel like I'm sort of lazy and unorganized, and I have often looked forward to the day when all my kids are at school so I can really get back into my art. I'm too impatient, not well read enough...even as I write this, the thought of having all my children home all day every day and having total responsibility for their education sort of terrifies me.

And yet here I am, contemplating what could be a HUGE shift in how we run our family.

I'm not sure if we'll end up homeschooling any or all of our kids. I am now a lot more open to the idea, where before I would never have even considered it. I am starting to feel like just sending my kids to public schools is sort of lazy and irresponsible, and that I am much better equipped than I think I am to give them a better education.

I also feel like the "socialization" argument is kind of weak. Kids are largely a product of their parents, regardless of where they're educated.  Since parents who choose to home school are usually weird, their kids turn out that way too. And it's not like public school is weirdo-free.  So I guess what I'm trying to say is that our kids will be weird because they're our kids, not because we decided to home school them or not.

In any case I will be taking Peter and Nora out of preschool and at least doing that myself. I actually have a friend nearby whose boy is the same age as Peter. She also decided against preschool for her son, so we'll join forces to provide some structure to their days. We'll go to a music group once a week, a larger play group once a week, and hopefully do science experiments or crafts together at one of our homes each week. I'll also organize another "field trip" every week or so, just to keep things fun. I think having a friend to do this with will keep me accountable, and sane! We can get really creative with all the money we'd be saving, too.

I have also decided to not feel guilty sitting my kids in front of a movie if I ever need a break. Especially since I personally feel they get about as much out of a movie as they would out of preschool.

As a disclaimer, I have no opinion whatsoever about what other parents do with their kids. It's such a personal choice, and parents know their own kids better than anyone else. I'm certainly not anti-public schools, but I hope I can know, step by step, what's best for each of my own kids...and then be brave enough to do it.